Its hard to describe how I feel like these days. Life seems to be busy and intense at all times. I find myself heading towards something, something that isn’t going to be nice. What is it? Why is it troubling me so much?

What is it that is lacking in my life? I consider myself to be the luckiest of the lucky, bestowed with more than everything I need, with comforts and luxuries of all sorts around me by the Almighty.

But still? What is it that keeps my heartbeat racing above normal these days? Why is something troubling me? Why do I get tense these days?

Am I just a spoilt brat not content with what he has in life? I don’t think so! It is as if I’m heading towards the end, to my impending doom (God forbid), but this is what the feeling actually is. What I want is perhaps too much to ask for, what I need is perhaps impossible to get!

It’s a catch-22 situation, where I know a deadlock exists. It’s a conflict between my heart, mind and my soul! It’s a conflict combining these three forces with the outside world. What do the people expect of me? What if I do not live upto their expectations? What if I am not able to live upto my own expectations?

It’s like a burden over my chest at all times, what am I doing? Where am I headed to? Why don’t I have a way out? Why can’t this situation be resolved?

I am looking forward to YOU and nobody else, Oh Allah, the Beneficient, the Almighty! Guide me through this difficult time, don’t leave my hand which you’ve always held. I trust you my Lord, for it is true that I do not have control over the next breath I take. It is YOU who decides, what is wrong and what is right.

I know You’ll save me, you’ll get me out of this Catch-22!